Jen Snyder

Congratulations! You started that blog you’ve been dying to write for years and you’re excited. You live and breathe blogging. You soak up every post you can find on how to blog. You try experiments to see what is working and what isn’t working to drive traffic.

You have a blog and it’s safe to say you are in love.

If you are married, the start of your blog can also bring the start of problems in your marriage. I experienced this with my first blog. I was so in love with my blog! I was writing about ideas that had swirled around in my head for years. I was getting comments on my posts and attention on social media. I ate, breathed, and slept my blog.

The problem is when you become obsessed with blogging it is hard to make room for anything or anyone else. This includes your marriage, your family, and your friends.

And I get it. Not only do you love blogging, but it has the potential to bring in money that can support your whole family. That’s intoxicating!

But what if you work so hard to build your blog, are successful, and have no one left to enjoy it with?

It’s a sobering thought isn’t it? This is a slippery slope for sure, but the good news is that it’s avoidable if you recognize it can happen. Here are my five tips to blog-proof your marriage.

1. Schedule time with your spouse

As bloggers it is so easy to work after dinner or after the kids go to sleep. We think “this is our time to work.” We crave a few uninterrupted hours to write and edit our posts. To learn about social media and network with other bloggers. We have worked hard all day in our 9-5 or with our kids and we are ready to get our blog on!

But think back before you started blogging. Remember how after the kids went to bed it was time for you and your spouse to hang out? To debrief and learn about each other’s day. Or to connect about bigger things going on in your life. Now the minute the last kid is in bed you pop open your laptop and breathe a sigh of relief. Ah time to blog.

But I bet the majority of bloggers, myself included, don’t think about how this makes our spouse feel. They are used to connecting with us at night. Without a word we changed from connecting with them to connecting with our blog. That has to feel lonely for them.

How to fix it: When you don’t blog full-time, blogging at night is important. You need that time. But you also need time with your spouse to connect and unwind. My husband and I pick three days a week where I don’t work at night. This always includes Friday and Saturday night unless he is out. We also pick one night during the week to hang out even if it only means watching TV. When I give him my full attention those nights he feels important. He doesn’t mind when I am working the other three nights of the week.

P.S. Your spouse watching TV and you blogging doesn’t count as quality time! Your head is still in the blogging game and not connected with your spouse!

2. Put your phone down

Full confession: I am writing this point with full disclosure that I am the worst person I know at putting my phone down. If my husband could chime in here he would tell you all about it. Good thing it’s my blog so he can’t! 🙂

Blogging has become a mobile sport with the invention of smartphones and tablets, and I for one love that! With one little device I can connect with the women in my Facebook group, reply to blog comments, and schedule social media posts. Heck I can write a blog post from my phone if I want to. It’s awesome!

What’s not so awesome is when we abuse the technology. Sure we put down our laptops to stop blogging, but then we pick up our phones. We get in our Facebook groups, join Twitter chats, or work on graphics for our posts. We are still blogging, we’ve just changed the tool we are using to do it.

How to Fix It: This is something I am working on myself. Here’s are some simple things I have come up with. No phone at the dinner table or in bed. No phone on the nights designated as our time to hang out. Use it sparingly in the mornings when you and your spouse are getting ready for the day. Treat your phone like your laptop and give it boundaries. Like I said, this list is just as much for me as it is for you– maybe even more for me!

3. Go to bed at the same time

For the majority of our relationship, I usually went to bed after my husband. He would go to bed around 10pm and I would work until one or two in the morning. I figured why not? He was sleeping anyway so it’s not like I was missing quality time with him.

Yet I was missing quality time and I didn’t even realize it. And no, not that kind of quality time. There’s something about ending the day together that helps strengthen the marriage bond. Checking on the kids, brushing teeth, and a little pillow talk before shutting off the lights. There is intimacy in those small moments. Moments that you miss if you don’t go to bed at the same time as your spouse.

How to fix it: The nights that you choose as “couple nights” make sure to go to bed at the same time too. Those nights will fill you both up for the nights you stay up late and work on your blog. Every once in awhile shut down your work on the non-couple nights and go to bed with your spouse. It will make you both feel better!

4. Be an active listener

Active listening is something else I struggle with too. I see my husband talking but I don’t actually hear what he is saying. I nod my head in agreement and he knows me well enough to know that I wasn’t paying attention. Yes, I have put my phone and laptop away, but I haven’t shut my brain off. I am thinking about blog posts, my Facebook group, or mom stuff. But I am not being an active listener when he speaks and that isn’t fair to him.

How to Fix It: Now this is one I don’t think we can fix 100% of the time. We are women after all and we have a lot going on upstairs! But we can work on it in each conversation we have with our spouse.

Let your brain know when it is couple or date night. I say to myself “Okay tonight is couple night, time to focus on that and not the blog or the kids.” This simple reminder changes my focus from thinking about everything, to focusing on what my husband is saying.

5. Date night

You’re busy, your spouse is busy, and if you have kids you don’t even remember what it is like to not be busy. Now you are blogging on top of all this busyness. When do you make time to get out as a couple and enjoy yourselves? It’s hard to find the time isn’t it?

Yet there is something magical when you can get away from the house, the kids, your blog and enjoy a night on the town with your spouse. You feel renewed, your spouse feels renewed, and you marriage feels lighter. In our house, date nights aren’t an option but a necessity for survival.

How to Fix It: When was the last time you went on a date with your spouse? The last time you put it all away, put on nice clothes and gasp!– some make-up? If it has been awhile schedule a date night with your spouse. To keep date nights on the calendar take turns planning them every other month.

Blogging is a fun business, but it can be hard on your marriage if you aren’t careful. It is easy to get sucked into your blog and making it a success. But you don’t want to have all that success at the expense of your marriage.

Take time to walk away from your computer and phone at night to reconnect with your spouse. Give your spouse the best part of you by listening to them when they talk. Make sure to schedule couple time and date nights away from the house to connect with your spouse. Then when your blog becomes a raving success your number one fan will be there to share it with you!

Ah summer, my favorite season. Warmer days, longer nights, pool, and lake time. The kids are out of school and I dream about all the fun things we are going to do. This summer we are going to do it all I declare.

But then I panic. Sheer anxiety interrupts my daydream. I am a writer, a blogger, and I run a business. How am I going to manage that while the kids are on summer break?

Before a complete meltdown set in I knew I had to get a plan together and fast. You see my kids are at an age where we can do cool stuff this summer. I created this blog so I could have the free time to spend with them and not stick them in daycare while I slaved away at work.

I knew I had to create a balance between work and my kids. It’s an ongoing practice for me. I know there are weeks that are more kid heavy and weeks that are more heavy on the work side. I know for the next 8 weeks or so, my life will be more kid heavy and I need my blog to work around that schedule.

Are you feeling the same pull? You want to spend more time with your kids, but you want your blog to keep running? Here are my 9 tips to help you balance the two as best you can.

1. Make a Summer Schedule

I am a big planner. My lists have lists. So I knew the first thing I needed to do was create a summer schedule for myself and the kids. Now it being summer I didn’t want to make it too rigid. The entire school year is dedicated to a rigid schedule. But I wanted to make sure my blogging time was in our summer schedule. If I don’t schedule my blogging activities, including writing, they don’t get done.

Here’s what my schedule looks like this summer:

There is one thing that I don’t show on this schedule. Grace. I give myself grace when it doesn’t go according to plan. Today for example, I slept in and didn’t work on my blog post. It felt good and my body needed the break. Giving yourself grace with your schedule makes you more likely to stick to it instead of hating it.

P.S. I need to give credit to my ultra organized bloggy friend Suzi of Start a Mom Blog. She is fantastic when it comes to helping mom’s with their schedules!

2. Focus

Oh focus. You and I have a battle every day don’t we? Followed closely by your cousin self-discipline.

Here is what I do when I write a blog post.

• Check Facebook one last time before I start.
• Write my outline
• Check Facebook again
• Write my opening intro, “think” I’m stuck, check email.
• Get lost in the rabbit hole of email. Then go back to my post.
• Write a bit more and check Facebook for the 14th time today.

I wish I had a zapper for every time I strayed away from what I am supposed to be working on! But I realized if I have ANY shot of sticking to my schedule and enjoying time with my kids, I had to focus on the task at hand.

That means no Facebook and no email until I write the draft for my blog post. That means writing in 30 minute increments and giving myself a 5 minute break. That means being a grown up and realizing the more I focus, the easier it is to get the task done.

But I still wouldn’t mind that zapper. 😉

3. Boundaries

Setting boundaries is something else I struggle with. I have worked at home for 10 years now. People always say to me “I could never work at home because I would do laundry or clean the kitchen.”

Well I have the opposite problem. I am terrible at turning the work off.

Sure I can walk away from the computer when nap time is over, but then I take my handy iPhone with me everywhere I go. I check my Facebook group, I see if I have new email subscribers, or blog comments. I research new ways to drive traffic or new marketing ideas.

Before I know it I am wrapped up in work and snapping at my kids who just want my attention. That very attention I want to pour on them. The irony is not lost on me here. I am building a business that works around their schedule and not vice versa. Yet here I am putting the work ahead of their needs.

So I have to set boundaries, follow the designated work schedule I set out, and stick to it. This way I can enjoy the time with my kids to the fullest and not feel like a crappy mom.

4. Cut Back on Posting

If you are posting more than three days a week on your blog, I suggest cutting back on that during the summer. Heck, I don’t think that is a good idea anyway, but especially not during the summer.

If you try to keep up with a demanding posting schedule while your kids are home you will get frustrated. Unless you have outside help, you can’t write that often and spend quality time with your kids. I tried this and it was terrible. My content was awful and my mothering was not good.

Give yourself a break, enjoy your kids this summer, and cut back on your posting schedule! Let your readers know you are still blogging, just not as much during the summer. They will understand and respect you for it.

And hey, you might find that once school starts again that you like the lighter posting schedule. It might be just the thing to put a zip back into your writing!

5. Get Sleep

I made a startling confession to my best friend, Marci, last week. I like love getting up early now. Her gasp of shock made me realize how huge this is.

Up until a couple of years ago, I was a grown woman, mother of three, that loved to stay up until 1, 2, sometimes 3am working. I loved working while everyone was asleep and the house was quiet. I came alive about 9pm every night and my husband would say, “Guess it’s going to be a late night for you.”

But then one day it caught up with me. I couldn’t do it anymore. I would stay up late and was crabby the next day. I wasn’t at my best for my kids. My writing started to suffer. With the lack of sleep I found that I couldn’t think right and it was no longer worth it. So I started to go to bed at 10pm like normal people and get up early like normal people.

The result? I am happier, more productive, and enjoy my life more. Now if you would have told 30-year-old me that, I would have laughed at you. But with age comes wisdom and part of that wisdom includes getting a good night’s sleep.

And Marci, I know I can hardly believe I am writing this either. What happened to me?!

6. Look for Fringe Hours

Now that I am a grown up and get sleep, I have discovered I love the fringe hours! Fringe hours are the bonus hours you can work while your family is doing something else. I can get up at 5am and get two hours of work done before I am called to be a wife and a mom. Those are my favorite two hours every day! The house is quiet, I got a good night’s sleep, and once the coffee kicks in I am firing on all cylinders.

But the morning hours aren’t my only fringe hours. I also do blog tasks during certain times of the day. At lunch I let the kids watch TV and I do some work then. While my youngest is napping, my girls spend the first 30 minutes doing their own thing while I work. If we go to the park I will take that time to catch up on social media.

There are many different times during the day where my kids don’t need me. They are playing together or doing their own thing. During this time I will focus on easy blog tasks. It helps me stay on track without feeling like I am ignoring my kids.

7. Get a Babysitter

Mondays are my favorite day of the week. Crazy right?! Mondays are the one day a week I have a nanny come into my house to care for my kids.

I get a much-needed break from the kids (hey, I’m not super mom!) and the kids get interaction with someone besides their parents. I get to work in peace and quiet and focus on the big tasks at hand.

If you are struggling to find extra time, look at bringing in a babysitter if your budget allows it. Maybe you need a full day like me. Or maybe you can get by with three hours on Monday afternoon. There isn’t a law that says just because you stay home with your kids, that you can’t bring in help once in a while. You will be better off for it and so will your kids.

If you can’t fit a sitter into your budget, is there a mom in your area you can trade with? My best friend and I take turns watching each other’s kids so we can go on date nights with our husbands. Try to find another mom blogger in your area that you connect with and take turns helping each other out.

8. Ask your Spouse for Help

There is no shame whatsoever in asking for your husband’s help. If you need a break to work on your blog, ask your husband for help! My husband and I have an agreement that if I need a night off to write, he will come home from work and takeover. I leave the house right when he gets there and he is in charge of dinner and bedtime. When things get really busy we do this once a week. As an added bonus it gives my husband some one-on-one time with the kids. And they love to soak up their dad’s attention making it a win-win for all!

If you need the help ask your husband. He isn’t going to know you need help unless you ask. And don’t feel guilty about it either! Don’t forget you are at home with your kids and that is work all by itself. You have spent the time with them so now go spend some time on you.

9. Join a Gym

I joined a gym to exercise and lose weight, but there is an added benefit I didn’t realize at first. The kids daycare at the gym. Oh how I love that place!

When you drop your kids off they always ask you where you are going to be. One day the woman in front of me said “The Cafe.” I said “Wait a minute, hold the phone. It’s okay to drop the kids off and sit in the gym’s cafe?” They replied “We don’t care what you do, as long as you don’t leave the building.”

Mind blown.

The gym daycare allows us to drop off our kids for a couple of hours everyday. So three days a week I go to the gym to workout. The other two days? I go there to work on my business. I drop them off, head to the café and pound away on the keyboard. The added bonus that relieves my guilt is the kids love it there! They get to run around like crazy and hang out with other kids their age.

If you belong to a gym already try this! It is an amazing two hours! If you don’t belong to a gym, check out this idea. It has really given me a ton of time back in my work schedule and my kids an opportunity to do something fun.

Working at home while the kids are out of school is tough! You want to scale back to spend time with them but you don’t want your blog to die. By setting a schedule with focus and boundaries you can find a good balance of family and work. Taking the time to work in the fringe hours will help you get the small blogging tasks done. And don’t be afraid to ask for help! Your work is important too and you deserve to have time to do it. By following these simple ideas you will enjoy your kids, your summer, and have a strong blog to go back to in the fall!

Your turn: What do you do to balance blogging and spending time with your kids? Do you have any tips you can share with us? Please share them in the comments below!

Last year I stepped back into exercising. After having back-to-back babies, let’s just say it had been awhile since I worked out. I ordered the 21 Day Fix by Beachbody through an old college friend of mine to get me started.

I literally thought I was going to die when I started this workout. I remember getting through the warm up and the instructor on the DVD said “Alright are you warmed up?” “Warmed up?” I thought. “Um no I am dying, I am past warmed up.” I started these workouts in February of last year and I remember wanting to throw up halfway through each one. What was I doing to myself?!

Another favorite quote from this instructor on the DVD is “I just want you to be better than you were yesterday.” Somewhere in there I took it to heart. I knew that by pushing through and taking one step or doing one more rep I would be better than I was yesterday. I also realized that by being better than I was yesterday that the workouts would get easier. It was then that I realized that I would start to achieve my weight loss goals.

Alright, this is a blog about blogging, marketing and online business. What does my weight loss journey have to do with this blog?!

Ah spring is in the air. In Minnesota that is always a welcome sign after our long winters. We begin to shed our coats and spending more time outside. The more time we spend outside the more we look at our surroundings. In most cases it is the wear and tear that winter has done to our landscaping and the exterior of our home. We think about the spring cleaning we need to do inside and outside of our homes.

The same can be said about our blogs.

You’ve spent the fall gearing up for the back-to-school posts. You spent winter consumed with writing about Thanksgiving and Christmas. Then when that was over it was all about plans for the new year. You were busy posting and adding images and promoting.

The other day I was in a near panic mode when I was talking to my husband. I was on day five of staying home with a sick child, our second round of sickness in this house.

We were standing in the kitchen and I said to him “How can I get up early and do my devotions and work on my blog? Right now I am running on fumes because I am staying up late working. Then I am in full time mom mode during the day. How am I supposed to get ahead in my blog? How can I try to go out there and meet new coaching clients? And on top of this how am I even supposed to keep this house clean?”

It’s pretty safe to say I was in complete freak out mode.